I have a new wellness commando

I have been so completely busy for the last several days that not only have I not had time to write on any of my blogs, but I've not even had time to relax. Apparently Kirby put the word out that an intervention was needed. Reinforcements were called in.

This afternoon my husband and I were so tired that we fell asleep on the couch. Unfortunately, he had to get up and go to work...leaving me behind in a vulnerable heap. I kept going through all my mental lists of things I have to do and was quickly feeling overwhelmed.

Commander Kirby immediately began strategic maneuvers. She got into position on the couch next to me. At her current size, that basically means that she took up our entire full size couch and still had to put her head in my lap. Her big, floppy, warm head. It was tranquilizing. And then...reinforcements arrived. Corporal Caesar the cat appeared. He enjoys sleeping in the little man fort he's created for himself in my closet, so when he pokes his handsome orange head out I pay attention. He wasted no time jumping onto the couch and then climbing up onto my chest. He weighs 17 pounds. No way was I getting up with Caesar parked on my chest. Kirby let out a long, peaceful sigh as if to say "Mission Accomplished."

When I woke up an hour later, I was covered in orange cat fur and there was still a giant dog head in my lap. But I felt better...refreshed, even. And I usually hate naps. But Miss Kirby knew better than me today and I can't help but be grateful to my new "wellness commando" and her furry co-conspirator. There seems to be no limit to what this girl can do.

Watercolor Kirby

As I mentioned in my euphoria this morning, my cousin Nancy Colby is a brilliant watercolor artist. Every time I see one of her paintings, I am in awe at how she can take a blank canvas and turn it into...beauty!

Over the years, she has immortalized Kirby's "brother", Caesar the cat...Kirby's belligerent "sister", Sarah the cat...and our beloved kitty, Squeak, who went off to Rainbow Bridge long before she could ever meet the famous Kirby. Rest assured, however...Squeak would not have liked our big hairy drool factory very much.

Not only is Nancy incredibly gifted, she also works as a volunteer with a local animal rescue group near her home in Florida. Animal rescue is something that's very near and dear to many of us. Fur persons can't do much to stick up for themselves when they're being abused or neglected...and anyone who does something to help them is a-okay in my book. Kirby and the kitties would agree.

Nancy does work for EARS. You can visit their site here: www.ears4life.com

I'll show you some of the incredible work she's done on Kirby's "brother and sisters" if you indulge me for a few minutes.

First was Caesar. We call him the Crabby Tabby. He's quite the boy. Handsome, manly, but with pink cuddly toes and a super sweet disposition ONLY for his momma. One day I caught Caesar sleeping in his window seat in our apartment in Orange County, California:



And here is Caesar checking out the painted version, which Nancy gave us as a wedding gift:





There is a charity art auction coming up and she has painted Kirby for it. Kirby's painting will be judged in a competition first...and then the auction will begin. I can't wait to hear about the reaction it gets.

Nancy's husband, Bob, is quite a sweet man and he has a very creative side as well. Nancy lets Bob name all of her paintings when they're done. I am about to present to you the painting entitled "Someone day dinner?"

Here is the picture of Kirby that I feature in a previous blog:



And this, ladies and gentleman, is "Someone say Dinner?" by Nancy Colby:



There just aren't words for how proud I am to have an artist for a cousin. She's fan-freak'in-tastic! I can't wait to get a print of this.

In the meantime, if you'd like to see more of Nancy's amazing work please visit her website here: Watercolors by Colby

You can also make a donation to EARS by clicking HERE  

Kirby doesn't have her own charitable site yet...but if she keeps averaging 55 pounds of food every 3 weeks, we may have to. :-) I'm just joking!!!! I'm not gonna be ask'in anybody for money. We can take care of our big eater just fine. LOL

I can't wait to hear what y'all think of this painting, so make sure you leave a comment!

Also, I have placed a "Cats by Colby" button in the sidebar on the right. It will remain there permanently. If you ever want to immortalize one of your pets, I highly recommend that you contact Nancy. Her prices are quite affordable and her quality of work is...well, you've seen for yourself. It's amazing!!!

Nancy, I thank you...and Miss Kirby thanks you.

Kirby has been immortalized!

My cousin is an artistic genius, that's all I have to say. WOW!

As family goes, I am lucky enough to be related to a great many talented people...and my cousin Nancy is no exception.

I am on my way to work this morning, so I can not pause to do this topic the justice it deserves - but I will tonight. Let me just say that my cousin Nancy is a brilliantly talented watercolor artist in Florida. Before her, I had no idea that watercolor paintings could be so vibrant and beautiful. For me, watercolor was always synonymous with pastel and washed out. That is SO not true.

Anyway, before I put my car in drive and head out to work for the day, I will tell y'all this: Nancy has just finished a painting of Kirby...and it is AWESOME.

I can't wait to show it to y'all tonight. Kirby will be so proud. :-)

Saints make GREAT lap dogs!

Kevin and I had a great day at home together yesterday. We took Kirby to the dog park, we went to Home Depot and got a ton of plants for the yard, we spent time out in the sun together...planting and weeding.

When we came in for the day, we had a very needy St. Bernard who was not at all happy that we went outside without her. Kevin thought it would be okay to turn Kirby into a lap dog...but it backfired on him. :-)

As you watch this video, pay special attention to the segment at the end. Turn your speakers up, listen carefully..right after I tell Kirby to "say Hi" near the end of the video. You will hear a very non-dainty burp...and it didn't come from Kevin.

He and I were both cracking up. LOL

My elbow...is wet

Ever since I got home, I've been working upstairs in our home office on a variety of tasks. Of course, I did spend the obligatory "Mommy, you're home!" time with Kirby and the kitties...that's a given. I'm not allowed to do anything until I've handed out some ear rubs.

I always feel guilty if I haven't gone downstairs after a few hours...because I know there are quite a few fur persons down there who would love constant attention. Tonight, however, I was so focused that I didn't stop working for quite a long time.

I did eventually go downstairs to get a diet soda. When I went downstairs, I found a big 80 pound pile of fur on the couch. It opened an eye and I swear I heard Dr. Frankenstein chanting "It's ALIIIIVE!!!" LOL All I did was smile and the tail started wagging.

I gave many many big hugs and muzzle kisses at that point. I refilled my glass, I checked on the kitties, etc. I had to come back upstairs, though, and get some more things done. Well, that's what I thought was going to happen.

I went back to my computer and, before I knew it, thump thump thump. Here comes Kirby up the stairs. :-) She was walking around up here, as she does sometimes, smelling everything like she's never smelled it before. All of a sudden, SLURP! My elbow is instantly covered in drool.

I wiped it off, patted Kirby's head, at turned back to my computer.

SLURP!!!

Wet elbow again. The lesson here is...there is no denying this little girl when she wants more than a casual pat on the head. I turned my whole chair around and gave her a big hug and she just sort of...let her whole body slide down on my foot and then she gave up the belly. Message sent, message received. :-) I spent a good 15 minutes rubbing the square footage of her huge belly, scratching her head, rubbing her ears, shaking her paw, and giving her more hugs.

Of course, she started a trend...and I ended up being required to rub a few cat bellies and hold a 17 pound crabby 'ol tabby too...but that's okay. For a while there I forgot who I really work for and I had to be humbled. :-) At least now everyone is happy...and my elbow is finally dry.

All hail the Queen

I got home from work tonight and there was Kirby's face in the window...making sure I come in the house instead of running away. No matter what kind of crappy day I may have had, seeing that furry face in the window just makes me smile. I came in and we had our usual conversation. How was your day...did you lick any of the cats....were they nice to you about it...that kind of thing. All 3 of our cats have Kirby under their kitty mind control, by the way. It's a good thing, really. They're all quite a bit smaller than she is - especially Hemi, who has always been a tiny little girl and weighs in at 6 pounds. Kirby loves them all dearly - even Sarah, who is extremely anti-social to any dog and looks at Kirby with complete and utter disdain. Kirby takes it all in stride, happy to be part of the group.

Anyway, just after dinner Kirby was very angsty. Very hyper. She kept wanting to chew on toys that weren't meant for chewing. So I put my shoes on, grabbed my keys and stuff, and took Miss Kirby for a drive. I figured she needed something to chew on, so I took her to a local pet store. Not her favorite pet store, but her FAVORITE store is farther away and I wasn't up to it.

There's always a traffic jam on the street leading to this pet store. It's a good 15 minute wait just to get through the light. Understand, I drive a Hyundai Accent. It's a little 4 door sedan. Kirby now takes up the entire back seat. When she sits up, her muzzle hangs above the head rest on the front seat and her forehead brushes against the ceiling. I'm sure it's quite a sight. I've been teased by the other doggy Moms and Dads at the dog park a lot about it, actually. It does look pretty funny. So we're stopped in traffic and Kirby stands up back there to get a better look at something and suddenly her tail is slapping me across the back of my head.

I turn to look and there is a Cadillac Escalade full of women and teenagers waving at her and smiling at me. I rolled the window down and they asked me a bunch of questions about her. I asked them if they wanted to trade cars with me so that Kirby could have more room. :-) We were all laughing with each other. We've occassionally gotten strange looks from passersby before, but I've never had a car full of people do that before. It was quite an experience. And Kirby ate it all up. She loved it.

I pulled the car into the pet store lot and took Kirby inside. I looked for a toy that she could really chew on, but I didn't find anything that either of us liked. I picked out some pig ears for her and we went to the checkout. As I'm walking up to the front of the store, a group of 4 teenagers comes in looking for us. They had seen Kirby in the store and stopped, parked, and came in to meet her. They actually got down on the floor with her, so she had one at each end and one at each side. She got head rubs and belly rubs and toe rubs galore.

Finally, we get to the registers. I'm talking to a customer and a pet store employee and I hear a big THUD. Kirby has plopped her giant toes up on the "cookie bar" and is helping herself to the dog cookies. I give the command, "Kirby! Leave it!" and she gets right down, bless her soul. She may not always remember her manners but she does remember her training at puppy school.

Of course, everyone laughed...including the pet store employees, who promptly asked if she could have a cookie and then started feeding them to her like gum drops. I told them to at least make her sit so that she had to do something to earn them. She continued to get visitors at the front counters. Anyone who came in to the store had to make a bee line for the furry cow with the big brown eyes. And she's just sitting there, wagging her tale, soaking up every minute of it.

I realized...Kirby is like Brangelina, the Jonas Brothers, and that weird look'in kid from the Twilight movie...all rolled up into one. Anywhere we go with her, it's like she's a celebrity...and we're her staff. We're her entourage. Kirby gets the royal treatment wherever she goes. People stop to look at her, they pull over in some cases. :-) They go out of their way for the chance to touch her. They're in awe of her. It's amazing the attention she gets from people...it's like she's a queen. All hail Queen Kirby, ruler of the fur persons. I feel lucky to live in the shadow of her presence. :-)

Right now, the Queen is resting in her royal living room...on the royal couch cushions, tired from her escapades this evening. If I go to the landing and look down, I can see a big tangly jumble of giant toes just hanging off the edge of the couch. And she's sleeping with her tongue out again. Like she's giving the whole world a raspberry. Such a life.

All hail the Queen!

Procrastination is deadly to kidney beans

I am not sure which level of civic authority I would surrender myself to for such a crime, but my prolonged procrastination has claimed the life of an innocent bag of kidney beans. Oh...the humanity. Given that there's no listing in the phone book for the N.A.P.L. (National Association for the Protection of Legumes), I'll just post my confession here and let internet justice reign supreme.

Let me just go back a bit so my situation is completely understood before judgment is passed. I was home alone one night. Well...home alone with a very large, drooling dog...and a loaded .22....and....a loaded .44...and....well, just don't surprise me in the dark, okay?

One night about two months ago, some weirdo shows up on my front porch and asks me if he can "come in and use the phone". Well, suffice to say that I was not born yesterday and I do know better than to open the door for strangers. My Momma raised me right!

He ended up getting persistent...and quite creepy. I called 9-1-1 on this idiot...and then I proceeded to go get my .44 and went back to the kitchen to finish making chili. God bless Texas!

One of the things that bothered me days later, however, was that I caught him looking at me through the long narrow window next to our front door. There is a sheer white curtain that hangs in that window and I guess I never realized that anyone could just see right through it. Too bad he wasn't peeking in when Kevin was walking around the house in his favorite outfit: socks. Needless to say, I high-tailed my butt on down to Target that weekend and bought a new curtain panel for the window.

Stores never have anything in stock for oddly sized windows like that, so I just bought one that I knew was wide enough and figured I'd make some adjustments to it. I have a sewing machine and an iron...I was a Girl Scout. I can figure this out.

Well, it turns out that I conveniently forgot about the fact that I have a pretty busy life. And also that I procrastinate even the act of procrastination. When it comes to putting off mundane household tasks, I am the shizz, baby.

I hung the panel right away and it looks great with our decor. Awesome! Fabulous!! Inspired!!! I should have a job on HGTV. However...the curtain kept billowing out and away from the glass because it was too long for the window and had no pocket for the bottom rod to go through. This is the part that I'd been planning to fix. It was getting late on a Sunday and I had neither the patience nor the energy to make any adjustments to it. So I started hunting for something to use as a temporary fix to the problem.

I found my salvation in a one pound bag of dry kidney beans that's been sitting in my pantry for about a year and a half. (Ever since I decided that a big jar of assorted dry beans would look very "country cute" on top of our kitchen cabinets...and it does!) HGTV, is that you calling?

I tucked the end of the panel up onto the little window sill at the base and slapped that bag of kidney beans right on top of it. Ta da!!! Problem solved. Kev, spark up the DVR and let's catch up on the 12 episodes of "HOUSE" we've been too unorganized to watch!

For two months, I have conveniently had other things to do than to stop for a half hour and fix that damn curtain. But that bag of kidney beans has been doing a fabulous job on that little window sill. It has protected me and kept me safe from creepy people on my porch, neighbors walking their dogs, and the bunny that comes out of the greenbelt that eats our grass every morning. (I know he's watching me.) That bag of beans has been a damn good friend.

Now we're caught up. Except for the last couple of days it has been raining like crazy here in Texas. The dog park is closed "until further notice". It's not a dog park right now...it's more like a mud farm. Yesterday I mentioned that Petsmart is Kirby's third place in the whole world. Well, the dog park is her second favorite place.

Kirby is quite possibly the most lovable dog I've ever known. She's incredibly sweet. However, Miss Kirby does not take kindly to the idea of being ignored...or left alone for long periods of time. She knows our family routine. So tonight when I stayed late at work to finish a project and Kevin was not home, she got bored.

Things have been super busy at work lately, so I was really looking forward to getting home. I was so happy when I pulled into my driveway. Imagine my surprise, then, when I opened my front door and found a kidney bean murder scene.

That little bag of beans was no match for my 80 pound puppy. Let me just explain that when Kirby gets excited and starts playing with force, she shakes her head back and forth with the fury of a wolf killing its prey. There were kidney beans EVERYWHERE. Everywhere I looked...little kidney bean corpses. And right in the middle...a very ripped up, drool covered plastic bag. Oh, Kirby...

There were beans strewn all across the floor...on the chair...all across the sofa...in the built in bookcase...in the freak'in FIREPLACE!!! Everywhere. Beans everywhere. And there's Kirby in the middle of it all, wagging her tail enthusiastically in that demented helicopter pattern that makes Kevin and me laugh so hard. She looked as surprised as I did.

As I picked up the ten thousand dead beans and put them in their final resting place in my trash can, I used the appropriate scolding "mommy voice" as I explained to her how naughty it was to be throwing beans around the house. I doubt she heard me, however, since she was already stretched out on our couch...snoring. Loudly. All was right in her world. Mommy was home.

And as I finish this latest blog entry, I'm not certain of any real purpose (other than my confession) that I have in telling this story other than my noble effort to caution any of you from making the same mistake as me. This could have happened to anyone, right? Right. So...the next time you think about using a one pound bag of beans to keep a curtain in place so creepy burglar types can't molest you with their eyes, ask yourself this one question: do I have an 80 pound, drooling bean killer nearby?

Save yourself the guilt. Save the beans.